John throws a snowball at my hair as soon as mine meets his chest. I duck to avoid it but am too late , as the small glacier, hits my face and I fall into the snow covered London streets, a smile playing on my thin lips, revenge going through my almost frozen mind.
So when I read what Mrs French wrote about my story, it took everything I had not to walk up and throw it away. So instead of throwing it in the garbage , I ripped the folder and the story up in two. I sat in class sighing for the rest of the period.
You definitely should not give up! Especially if writing is what you like to do.
ReplyDeleteWhat your teacher said is only one person's opinion AND she really didn't give a valid reason with specific examples WHY she thought what she thought. Maybe the story didn't intrigue HER because she doesn't prefer reading something in present tense. I know lots of people who can't handle reading present-tense stories. Yet others don't mind them. But she didn't specify, so how are we to know.
There will always be people who'll give their opinion as if everyone else in the world agrees with what THEY say, and that's just not true.
In MY opinion, I say if she didn't like the wording, then play around with the words. A first draft is exactly that, A FIRST draft, it can always be altered and changed, or even changed back to what you originally said if you like that best.
Maybe you could try it in past tense, read it that way and see which way you like best. Alter John throws a ball, to John threw a ball.
One thing I've learned in my writing adventures is most people LOVE unusual verbs. So maybe instead of threw/throws, you could say John launched a snowball. I ducked to avoid it, but it plowed into the back/side of my head, sticking in my hair. It dripped down the side of my face and splattered against the London streets. A smile played across my lips as revenge whirled through my almost frozen mind.
See. Easy peasy, just experiment, delete, add, find what sounds best to YOUR ears.
I like that line, "almost frozen mind," by the way.
Classy
Don't give up! Unless you just don't like to write.
Good luck. And hugs. I'm not a fan of mean words either, especially when a person contradicts themself. And sorry for the super long comment. It just makes me so mad when someone frustrates a new author with such unhelpful suggestions.
I think it is funny that your comment is longer than my post..... LOL
ReplyDeleteI agree with Linda there. Just like a review, the teacher should tell you why she didn't like your story. I think it's a good start with a few tweaks imho
ReplyDelete